A child custody court order or mediation recommendation routinely includes language to the effect that neither party shall make disparaging remarks about the other parent in the presence of the children.
A mother tells the child, “You are just like your father.” Then, the mother proceeds to disparage or put
down the father for a host of things.
The mother says that the father is cheating on her or is not paying
proper support to take care of his family.
The child is told that the father is a loser and does not work. Or the father tells the child that she is
just like her mother. Then the father
tells the child that the mother is cheating on him. Or he says to the child that the mother is
trying to keep the child away from him and interfere with their relationship. There is no limit to the unkind and hurtful
things that a child might be told by a parent about the other parent.
A big problem is that half of the child is one parent and
half is the other parent. If the child
is told these things, the child will feel that something is wrong with him or
her if he or she is just like the disparaged parent. The children are negatively affected by this
parental disparagement.
The disparagement raises the issue of parental
alienation, which is difficult. I tell
my clients that a parent needs to work on his or her own behavior, because it
is what he or she could control.
Lawyers and judges should consider whether psychological
intervention will help. Even if the
offending parent refuses to attend therapy, there might be an order that a
child have sessions with his or her own psychologist.
Proof at the time of trial of alienation or the making of
disparaging remarks is sometimes difficult because the only witness is often
the minor child. New legislation has now
made it easier to have an older child testify in court before the Judge. But, this is not possible with younger
children who must be represented in court by minor’s counsel or a therapist or
mediator. And, there is a continuing
debate over the ultimate side effects to the child who testifies in court
against one or both of his or her parents.
Many times, parents make disparaging statements to the other parent in emails or on Facebook. I tell my clients to write every email or Facebook post with the expectation and understanding that the judge will eventually read it and judge it. Emails to the other parent should be helpful to your child. Don't comment in a nasty way about the other parent's lifestyle. Where the judge is presented with various written emails containing disparaging remarks about the other parent, the judge will often assume the parent cannot refrain from making disparaging remarks in the presence of the child.
Many times, parents make disparaging statements to the other parent in emails or on Facebook. I tell my clients to write every email or Facebook post with the expectation and understanding that the judge will eventually read it and judge it. Emails to the other parent should be helpful to your child. Don't comment in a nasty way about the other parent's lifestyle. Where the judge is presented with various written emails containing disparaging remarks about the other parent, the judge will often assume the parent cannot refrain from making disparaging remarks in the presence of the child.
Richard Ross
Certified Family Law Specialist
Richard Ross is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California who is a member of the Collaborative Family Law Professionals in both Ventura and Los Angeles Counties.
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The contents of this blog are provided to clients, prospective clients, internet users and the general community for informational and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute legal advice. Further, the use of this blog and the transmission or receipt of the information provided in this blog will not establish an attorney-client relationship between you and Richard Ross Associates unless and until an attorney at Richard Ross Associates agrees that the Firm will undertake an attorney-client relationship with you. Do not transmit any confidential or sensitive information to Richard Ross Associates until a formal attorney-client relationship has been established.
The information contained within this blog should not be considered as a solicitation or an offer for an attorney-client relationship. Materials contained in this blog are of a general nature and should not be substituted for legal advice. You should seek the advice of a licensed attorney before acting or relying upon any information contained within this blog. Richard Ross Associates is providing this blog, the information and listings contained herein only as a convenience to you.
Certified Family Law Specialist
Richard Ross is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California who is a member of the Collaborative Family Law Professionals in both Ventura and Los Angeles Counties.
_____________________________________________________________
The contents of this blog are provided to clients, prospective clients, internet users and the general community for informational and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute legal advice. Further, the use of this blog and the transmission or receipt of the information provided in this blog will not establish an attorney-client relationship between you and Richard Ross Associates unless and until an attorney at Richard Ross Associates agrees that the Firm will undertake an attorney-client relationship with you. Do not transmit any confidential or sensitive information to Richard Ross Associates until a formal attorney-client relationship has been established.
The information contained within this blog should not be considered as a solicitation or an offer for an attorney-client relationship. Materials contained in this blog are of a general nature and should not be substituted for legal advice. You should seek the advice of a licensed attorney before acting or relying upon any information contained within this blog. Richard Ross Associates is providing this blog, the information and listings contained herein only as a convenience to you.
