Dealing with the Habitually Late Parent at Custody Exchanges of the Children

Let’s consider the factual scenario where every time you go to meet your former spouse or significant other to exchange the custody of the children, that person is late causing you to wait around with your children until that person eventually arrives.  This is certainly frustrating. It is rude and poor co-parenting by the offending parent.  This is not uncommon.  What can you do about it?

Perhaps the offending parent needs to be educated. Before proceeding to court, it might benefit the parents to discuss this lateness problem with a trained mental health professional such as a marriage and family therapist jointly selected by the parties. Parents do not always realize that they are hurting their children by treating the other parent with disrespect. Lateness is a form of disrespect because one parent is saying to the other that my time is more important than your time.  Of course, the child is also having to wait, which is more apparent to older children than younger children who might not be aware of the lateness of the other parent.

Nevertheless, the children usually have a sense of the warfare that is going on between their parents.  As the offending parent become later and later, the parent waiting might be getting angrier and angrier.  Sometimes, comments might be made in the presence of the children, which, of course, are not a good idea, but it happens.  The children are affected by the stress that is often unnecessarily taking place between their parents. If the parents lose the respect of the child, they absolutely lose in the end. The children are looking at their parents’ behavior and it will likely bite the offending parent in the end.

If out of court attempts to resolve the problem do not work, getting before a judge for court orders might be the only alternative.  Accountability is important, whether it is a protocol for the return of children's clothing or a timed receipt to prove that a party was on time for a custodial exchange. To that end, a judge might order that the meeting place for custodial exchanges of a child take place at a neutral place if a parent is often late.  For example, the parents could meet at a local McDonald's restaurant or Jack-in-the-Box.  A timely parent may then obtain a timed receipt at a store with some minor purchase such as a drink or a food item. Therefore, she or he will have proof that he or she was on time, which would then be proper admissible evidence before a court.

Sometimes, the judge might reduce the visitation hours of the offending parent for repetitive tardiness. In a more severe case, this tardiness problem could result in a change of custody or parenting plan, especially if the tardiness affects the child adversely such as causing the child to be late for school or extra-curricular activities.

The experienced attorneys at Richard Ross Associates could help you with this kind of custody problem or other problems that might be occurring.  

Richard Ross
Certified Family Law Specialist

Richard Ross is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California who is a member of the Collaborative Family Law Professionals in both Ventura and Los Angeles Counties.
_____________________________________________________________
The contents of this blog are provided to clients, prospective clients, internet users and the general community for informational and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute legal advice. Further, the use of this blog and the transmission or receipt of the information provided in this blog will not establish an attorney-client relationship between you and Richard Ross Associates unless and until an attorney at Richard Ross Associates agrees that the Firm will undertake an attorney-client relationship with you. Do not transmit any confidential or sensitive information to Richard Ross Associates until a formal attorney-client relationship has been established.

The information contained within this blog should not be considered as a solicitation or an offer for an attorney-client relationship. Materials contained in this blog are of a general nature and should not be substituted for legal advice. You should seek the advice of a licensed attorney before acting or relying upon any information contained within this blog. Richard Ross Associates is providing this blog, the information and listings contained herein only as a convenience to you.

Responding to the Other Parent's Abusive Emails

Trust is a difficult issue during litigation.  Some folks buy into a “litigation paranoia” frame of mind that causes him or her to believe that every e-mail is a set-up.  Parents have to be warned off that point of view.  A mental health professional I know told two parents, “If each of you loves your child so much, how can you not trust that the other parent will do the best for that child.”

It is very common for clients to feel that they have to respond to every email that they receive from the other parent as soon as received.  This often results in a string of emails back and forth generated with little thought and based on a reaction mode mentality.  

I tell my clients to write every email or Facebook post with the understanding that a judge is going to read it at some point.  If you don’t want the judge to read it, don’t send it.  

It is always better to slow down the process and not be reactive.  It is better to re-read and reflect on the email from the other parent and respond later if possible in a thoughtful manner and without anger.  If you are angry, wait a while before responding.  Unless a reply to the email is needed immediately, sleep on it and write a reply the next day.  If the email asks what time you will be picking up your child, answer only that part of the email and respond to the more provocative part of the email later, if at all.  Some things might not require a response at all.  Your ex’s opinion is his or her opinion only.  

To the extent the email is legitimate, one should respond to that portion that calls for a legitimate response.  As to the non-legitimate portion, you could say in the response that you choose not to respond to it.  

Another suggestion is to tell the other parent that you will respond once a day only to any and all emails, and if there is an emergency, call me.

Richard Ross
Certified Family Law Specialist

Richard Ross is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California who is a member of the Collaborative Family Law Professionals in both Ventura and Los Angeles Counties.
_____________________________________________________________
The contents of this blog are provided to clients, prospective clients, internet users and the general community for informational and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute legal advice. Further, the use of this blog and the transmission or receipt of the information provided in this blog will not establish an attorney-client relationship between you and Richard Ross Associates unless and until an attorney at Richard Ross Associates agrees that the Firm will undertake an attorney-client relationship with you. Do not transmit any confidential or sensitive information to Richard Ross Associates until a formal attorney-client relationship has been established.

The information contained within this blog should not be considered as a solicitation or an offer for an attorney-client relationship. Materials contained in this blog are of a general nature and should not be substituted for legal advice. You should seek the advice of a licensed attorney before acting or relying upon any information contained within this blog. Richard Ross Associates is providing this blog, the information and listings contained herein only as a convenience to you.

I Smell Marijuana at My Ex's House When I Return Our Child

In making a determination of the best interest of the child in a family law proceeding, the Court must consider, among any other factors it finds relevant, the habitual or continual illegal use of controlled substances or the habitual or continual abuse of alcohol by either parent.

These days, it is a rare family law case where the Judge does not hear allegations of at least marijuana use or excessive drinking. In this regard, one Los Angeles Superior Court Judge has told me that unless the allegations come to the authorities' attention other than from mom or dad against the other parent; it is probably not a problem in the mind of the Court. The Judge is always looking for some independent corroboration from someone who does not have an axe to grind.

If a parent smokes marijuana on his or her non-custodial weekends, it would generally be ignored by the Court. The question is how does it hurt the child?

In the course of family law litigation such as a divorce, child custody or paternity case, a parent should not be stoned or drunk when he or she is with the kids. Yet, it is not uncommon for intact couples to often smoke marijuana in the home when the kids are present inside. But, in family law litigation, the rules are probably going to be different.

Another question relates to the effect of a parent possessing a medical marijuana card. This needs to be handled on a case by case basis. To avoid problems in this case, it would be beneficial to obtain appropriate court orders when and under what conditions the parent could use the marijuana during times of custodial access with the minor children. If use of the marijuana by a parent possessing a medical marijuana card is shown to be a detriment to the children when they are present with that parent using the marijuana, it is still going to be a problematic issue before the court.

Richard Ross
Certified Family Law Specialist

Richard Ross is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California who is a member of the Collaborative Family Law Professionals in both Ventura and Los Angeles Counties.
_____________________________________________________________
The contents of this blog are provided to clients, prospective clients, internet users and the general community for informational and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute legal advice. Further, the use of this blog and the transmission or receipt of the information provided in this blog will not establish an attorney-client relationship between you and Richard Ross Associates unless and until an attorney at Richard Ross Associates agrees that the Firm will undertake an attorney-client relationship with you. Do not transmit any confidential or sensitive information to Richard Ross Associates until a formal attorney-client relationship has been established.

The information contained within this blog should not be considered as a solicitation or an offer for an attorney-client relationship. Materials contained in this blog are of a general nature and should not be substituted for legal advice. You should seek the advice of a licensed attorney before acting or relying upon any information contained within this blog. Richard Ross Associates is providing this blog, the information and listings contained herein only as a convenience to you.

How Do I Stop the Other Parent From Making Disparaging Remarks About Me in Front of the Children?

A child custody court order or mediation recommendation routinely includes language to the effect that neither party shall make disparaging remarks about the other parent in the presence of the children. 

A mother tells the child, “You are just like your father.”  Then, the mother proceeds to disparage or put down the father for a host of things.  The mother says that the father is cheating on her or is not paying proper support to take care of his family.  The child is told that the father is a loser and does not work.  Or the father tells the child that she is just like her mother.  Then the father tells the child that the mother is cheating on him.  Or he says to the child that the mother is trying to keep the child away from him and interfere with their relationship.  There is no limit to the unkind and hurtful things that a child might be told by a parent about the other parent.  

A big problem is that half of the child is one parent and half is the other parent.  If the child is told these things, the child will feel that something is wrong with him or her if he or she is just like the disparaged parent.  The children are negatively affected by this parental disparagement.  

The disparagement raises the issue of parental alienation, which is difficult.  I tell my clients that a parent needs to work on his or her own behavior, because it is what he or she could control.  

Lawyers and judges should consider whether psychological intervention will help.  Even if the offending parent refuses to attend therapy, there might be an order that a child have sessions with his or her own psychologist.  

Proof at the time of trial of alienation or the making of disparaging remarks is sometimes difficult because the only witness is often the minor child.  New legislation has now made it easier to have an older child testify in court before the Judge.  But, this is not possible with younger children who must be represented in court by minor’s counsel or a therapist or mediator.  And, there is a continuing debate over the ultimate side effects to the child who testifies in court against one or both of his or her parents.

Many times, parents make disparaging statements to the other parent in emails or on Facebook. I tell my clients to write every email or Facebook post with the expectation and understanding that the judge will eventually read it and judge it. Emails to the other parent should be helpful to your child. Don't comment in a nasty way about the other parent's lifestyle. Where the judge is presented with various written emails containing disparaging remarks about the other parent, the judge will often assume the parent cannot refrain from making disparaging remarks in the presence of the child.

Richard Ross
Certified Family Law Specialist

Richard Ross is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California who is a member of the Collaborative Family Law Professionals in both Ventura and Los Angeles Counties.
_____________________________________________________________
The contents of this blog are provided to clients, prospective clients, internet users and the general community for informational and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute legal advice. Further, the use of this blog and the transmission or receipt of the information provided in this blog will not establish an attorney-client relationship between you and Richard Ross Associates unless and until an attorney at Richard Ross Associates agrees that the Firm will undertake an attorney-client relationship with you. Do not transmit any confidential or sensitive information to Richard Ross Associates until a formal attorney-client relationship has been established.

The information contained within this blog should not be considered as a solicitation or an offer for an attorney-client relationship. Materials contained in this blog are of a general nature and should not be substituted for legal advice. You should seek the advice of a licensed attorney before acting or relying upon any information contained within this blog. Richard Ross Associates is providing this blog, the information and listings contained herein only as a convenience to you.